Re: RARA-AVIS: Charles Ardai - Hard Case Crime

From: Jeff Vorzimmer (
Date: 27 Oct 2006

> > you don't look the part
> You'll get no argument from me. But when Time magazine calls you up
> and says, "We would like to photograph you and a gorgeous blonde
> model in a hardboiled setting," what do you say? (Answer: You
> say, "I'll be right over.")

Kind of reminds of a Woody Allen routine. Here's my fictionalization of what transpired:

"Magazine photos?"
"I'm sorry, I don't do photo shoots. I have my artistic integrity to think about."
"Too bad, I'll have tell my editors here at Time Magazine you're not interested in doing a photo shoot with a gorgeous blonde."
"Ah . . . Time Magazine . . . gorgeous blonde? Can you hold please? Let me put Mr. Ardai on the line.

Later the next day at the Time photo shoot . . .

"Oh . . . we were expecting Mr. Ardai of Hard Case Crime. Are with his group? Will he be along shortly?"
"I am Mr. Ardai--I mean Charles. Please call me Charles. Not Chuck, Charles. Please to meet you."
"Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to offend you . . . umh . . . I guess, well, we were expecting someone more like a Mickey Spillane type Glad to meet you. Hey guys. Introduce yourself to Charles."
"Glad to me you all. I've never been shot before. Ha Ha."
"Nothing to it, let's get started. As you would probably say, 'Here's the dame we want wrapped around you.' Let's loosen that tie to start."
"Listen, I think maybe you're confusing with me with the characters in the books I write and edit."
"Okay, maybe you're right, but what we want is you with the blonde in your arms and a cigarette dangling from your lips ala Spillane, you know, like with that young blonde wife he had."
"Ah . . . I don't smoke and that blonde looks bigger than me."
"Okay. Alright. Leave the cigarette burning in the ashtray and, honey, you go over and stand by the wall and look sexy."

Nothing like a little good-natured ribbing to bring you back down to earth. I guess we're probably all a little jealous. Feel free to set the record straight.


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