On 28 November 2001,
Mbdlevin@aol.com wrote:
: People are mentioning two Willeford autobiographies. There
is also
: the self-published, short "Guide to the Undehemmorhoided"
(sp?) about
: his own surgery, and a few other matters. Great great
stuff.
From A GUIDE FOR THE UNDEHEMORRHOIDED (1977):
| I will make this statement at once at at least once: if a
man is past
| thirty, it is not worth his while to have a
hemorrhoidectomy. I say
| this flatly and categorically because there are not,
simply, enough good
| years remaining to any man past thirty to make the pain of
this
| operation worth it. Moreover, any young man under thirty,
especially
| young men who have relatively dim futures anyway, should
realistically
| and judiciously examine his post-operative prospects before
submitting
| his ass to the proctologist's knife.
|
|"Good God!" I thought, between caterwauling screams. "Why
won't someone
| help me?"
|
| Spasmodically, and of its own volition, my violated,
outraged anus
| clamped down again and again on this fucking hose, and
there was
| nothing, absolutely nothing, I could do to prevent it.
Wounded
| quickly, blood-raw from the razor-edged scalpel, each
succeeding
| convulsive grip was worse than the last, until, between
shuddering
| screams I reverted to the pleading baby-talk of a tortured,
terrified
| child.
|
| "Nursie! Nursie!" I cried. "Please help me!"
That's a man who won medals for service as a tank commander
at the Battle of the Bulge. If you ever have to have that
operation, I bet you won't forget Willeford's advice. I
won't.
Bill
-- William Denton : Toronto, Canada : http://www.miskatonic.org/ : Caveat lector.
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